• asmae zq

Be honest with yourself first

Honesty is one of the most important principles in life and the first thing we learn from our parents, saying " tell the truth and don't lie".

When you lie to someone you feel bad about it, and when someone lies to you, you feel stupid. However, when you lie to yourself you are just fooling yourself.

Being honest with yourself is a huge part of self-improvement and it's the key to overcoming delusional thoughts, you can't expect to learn and grow as an individual and recognize the reality if you are not honest with yourself.

But come on, we all do lie to ourselves especially when it comes to our insecurities or when we refuse to believe things that are true. It's what we call self-deception, we fool ourselves into believing things that are false.

“Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything, you are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets”
Clark Moustakas

When you sit in the corner of your dark bedroom you start thinking of the shit that happens to you with your boss that morning, when you came late at work and when you didn't finish your last night work, or when you missed your date with your girlfriend because you wanted to have a drink with your homies and talking about how cool you are and show off, you remember how your boss scolded you and how embarrassed you were, you remember your fight with your girl on the phone, and the lies you told your friend about how cool your life is.

You just sit there and remind yourself how painful and stressful your day was and it becomes even worse because you struggle to admit what happened to you.

You don't know what you should do and how to react to these feelings but for sure you try to find excuses for what happens to you.

You convince yourself with all the arguments you might find in your head, that you don't deserve what happened to you, telling yourself that your boss is an asshole and you’re doing a good job and that your girlfriend is overreacting, and your friends are a bunch of losers and bla bla bla ….

You accept what your head tells you, and the only thing that you see is that you're the best and everyone else is just shit.

And then you go to sleep and you do the same thing the next day and the next over and over again. You fucked up every time but you don't see it, you tell yourself that everyone has issues and you're the cool guy that everyone wants to be with.

But seriously! when the fuck you’re going to stop acting like a douchebag, like a spoiled kid, and grow up - let me tell you something, if you keep thinking that way, lying to yourself every day and for the rest of your life at some point, you’re going to get tired because you’re going to have a miserable life. And it's not the fact that you act like a douchebag that makes your life suck - (well sort of), but it’s the way you think, the way you lie to yourself trying to ignore the “bad” aspects of your life; maybe it’s easier to turn a blind eye to your problems rather than confront them face-to-face, but it won’t be the same for a long period.

The truth is ignoring problems in your life doesn’t fix them. It can even make things worse in the future – because when you aren’t honest about your problems they can grow out of control. Then what started out as a small problem can become a much bigger problem.

You have to acknowledge that being honest with yourself is part of the process to grow up, it’s the key to live a life to the full, not only does it have a positive impact on you but also on people around you, being honest allows you to have a positive mindset even when life throws lemons at you, and instead of running to the hill you gather up your courage and face the problem by making lemonade.

“Honesty will be found on every experiment, to be the best and only true policy; let us then as a Nation be just.”
George Washington

Honesty also helps you to detect self-deception that we use as a smokescreen to mask our problems, you may be jealous and in financial ruin but unless you accept the situation first you will find yourself struggling to maintain your lifestyle rather than adjusting to the current situation.

One of the most painful things about being honest with yourself is admitting when you make mistakes, protecting your ego by coming up with excuses, or blaming others for your problems. However, true self-esteem can only be found when you’re comfortable and honest about your mistakes. Only a person who admits his mistakes can learn from them and correct them.

So instead of sitting in your room blaming your boss or your girlfriend or your friend, try to admit your mistakes, admit that you are a lazy person and a quieter who can't finish what he starts and you can’t respect your engagement and you have a lake of confidence that's why you keep bragging to your friends.

Once you acknowledge and admit your mistakes you will understand how to respond to your emotions differently in the future, you have to be straightforward with your feelings if you want to see real self-change and self-growth.

You will have better clarity about the things you want in life when you are completely honest with yourself. Your real identity is something only you know, and it is most often up to you to decide what your life goals are.

Being honest with yourself can make life easier, less complicated, and a lot more beautiful. You become less dependent on others and more dependent on yourself. You start loving yourself with all your flaws, and that’s the turning point toward contentment and inner peace.

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